I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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