ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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