i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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