Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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