I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
