so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
