yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
