why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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