This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
