I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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