My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
