Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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