After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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