Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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