I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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