Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
