Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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