also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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