Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
