How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
