I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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