Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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