I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
