hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
