Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
