too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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