After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Randomize
