i wish my penis had a tongue
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
