If that was your dad, he is hot
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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