3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
