i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize