idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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