maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
