So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
