Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i already hear my dad disowning me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
