Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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