I am midnight drunk by noon
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
