would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
