Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
