matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
