I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
