I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
