My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
