but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
