Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He better not be in your backpack
Still dying that you shit outside
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
