Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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