and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
