is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
