is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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