He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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