dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
barbara walters just said penis...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
