Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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