I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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