I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
