Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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