There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
