lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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