Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
