I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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