I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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