About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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