dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
