She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
