I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
