I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
