so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
