After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
