How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
