I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
