I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
