They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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