Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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