ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
