seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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