R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
