Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
