I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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