it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
