and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
