So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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