Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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