you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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