There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
