Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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