You really coming over, don't trick.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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