my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
